Diary: Day 5

Recent events and recent visitors have made me question some of the ways we parent our children as we seem to have a very different style to some people. It is an uncomfortable place to find myself in and so some self indulgent reflection is called for.

We have made, what seem to us, logical decisions about how we are bring up our children, but it appears that most people think we are, at best, a bit odd, and at worst, neglectful and damaging to our children.

One bone of contention seems to be our lack of bedtime. To us, the concept of going to bed 'because it is time' seems strange. We go to bed when we are tired. Bed is a place to sleep, and sleep is what humans do when they are tired. Going to bed when not tired in the hope of just falling asleep seems bizarre and doomed to failure. We hear of people spend an hour or more 'putting their children to bed' and we wonder how this situation arises. Our children go up when they feel tired, maybe read for a little while and then go to sleep - just like adults do. We never have problems getting them to bed, because they go at the right time for them.

I supose this is made somewhat easier by the fact that they don't go to school. They don't need and artificial 'go to sleep' time because they don't have a corresponding 'get up' time. They sleep when they are tired and wake when refreshed - just as nature intended. That isn't to say that we don't have things to do. The children know that on certain days we have to be up for classes and activities, but our system has allowed them to get into a natural rytheme that works for them.

We do the same with food. They eat when they are hungry, and eat what they feel like. Many people cannot believe that they don't eat crisps and sweets all day long, but why would they? Would you honestly just eat sweets if you had the chance? Well I supose as an adult you do have the choice, so by that logic, that is what you do. But you don't. You probably eat a fairly balanced diet. And so do our children. Sometimes they fancy something sweet, sometimes they fancy something savory. I think though, the defining factor is that nothing is special, forbidden or restricted and from this, nothing becomes a treat or craved. All food is equal, they are as likely to choose pepper or tomatoes as chocolate.

We also do the same with activities. They have computers, games consoles, toys, craft materials, books, tools, etc. and they can choose which they want to do. We have no issues about doing something too much, because there is no concept of too much. This has the effect that there is no complaints about wanting more - the same way sweets have no draw, the games console doesn't either.

On balance we have happy, healthy, well adjusted children. They are not overweight or prone to temper tantrums, they are adaptable and can converse well with adults and children of all ages. They are knowledgeable about the world and have defined personalilties and interests. They do not follow the crowd, they have their own opinions and make friends with children they like and share interests with. They are capable of following rules and instructions, and know when to question them or just accept that they have to comply even if they don't agree.

On balance we must be doing something right - I just need to remind myself of that sometimes.